My interest in Stoicism began a year ago after a painful heartbreak. Since then, my entire existence—my mind, my perspectives on life, and the way I deal with life’s challenges—has changed. In the first few months after the breakup, I was devastated. But I knew something had to change. It couldn’t always be about him; I wanted to move on, to begin a new life, to restart.

So, I decided to visit a bookstore and check the philosophy section. I had always had an interest in philosophy in a vague way, but I wasn’t exactly sure why. There, I found a small book containing some of Seneca’s letters to Lucilius. I bought it. That was when my whole life changed.

There are a few key Stoic concepts that have resonated deeply with me since then: control, self-reliance, self-discipline, and living in accordance with nature. Let me explain how each one resonates with me.

Control. Stoicism teaches that while we can’t control external events, we can control how we respond to them. Life presents us with all kinds of situations—both good and bad. We all enjoy the good ones, but it’s crucial to know how to respond to the bad ones. My brain contains all my emotions, and therefore, I’m the one who can decide which emotions to embrace. Once I realized this, I began letting go of negative emotions more easily. That person doesn’t like me back? Someone else will. That company didn’t hire me? Another one will. That person betrayed me? Another will come. Just because something bad happens doesn’t mean life isn’t worth living or that I should give up. Bad situations are invitations to evolve.

Self-reliance. No one is there to save me. Yes, I have friends and family, but they have their own lives, too. It’s my job to save myself. It’s my responsibility to find solutions and improve. The only person I spend every day with is myself, so I try to make that person good company.

Self-discipline. We are here to evolve every single day, to improve, and to focus on ourselves and our goals. I started thinking about the best version of myself. Who is that person? How does she behave? What goals does she have? How does she achieve them? What hobbies and interests does she cultivate? Whenever I’m torn between choices, I ask myself: What would my higher self do? If she wouldn’t do it, then I don’t do it. Walk toward your goals and run away from desires that don’t contribute to your self-improvement. This practice of self-restraint has enhanced my focus and well-being, making me more mindful of distractions and indulgences that pull me away from my purpose.

Living in accordance with nature. This concept reminds us to accept both successes and struggles because they are part of a larger cycle. It has taught me to stop fighting against the inevitable flow of events, which has helped me feel more at peace with change and uncertainty. Instead of trying to control what’s beyond my reach, I’ve started cultivating virtues—wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance.

This also means recognizing my role within a larger community and cultivating virtues like kindness, justice, and humility. We are all part of a vast, interconnected system where everything unfolds according to its nature, including ourselves. To understand this better, here’s a quote from Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations on laziness:

„At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: ‘I have to go to work—as a human being. What do I have to complain of if I’m going to do what I was born for—the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?’ — But it’s nicer in here… So you were born to feel ‘nice’? Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants, the spiders, and the bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands?”

The Stoics remind me that happiness doesn’t come from wealth or status, but from inner strength, acceptance, and virtue. We can always complain about life’s struggles, but we are the only ones who can truly change our lives. To achieve our goals and find happiness, we must walk toward those things with intention and resolve.